confusion sets in..

i am utterly confused.. have tonnes to study but dunno wat i'm doin. i just wrote an email to my parents, tellin them how much i missed them, how much i needed some money to pay up commitments before goin back to KL and how much pain in the arse my brother is causin me. my poor darlin is sick, but happy that he's got his CPL theory all done! CPL = commercial pilot license. yes, my bf is a pilot, a student pilot, actually. he's super adorable, makes funny noises n faces n loves to joke around. haha love him to the max~ i really want u guyz, all of u who are close to me to know him, n to take him as part of 'us'. 'us' as in our frenship. really lookin forward for him to be in KL n meet my frenz. he's from singapore u see, n we've been together for.. close to 10 months. goin 1 year on my dad's b'day - 11th december~ hooray for Mz n Jacke! it's pronounced Jacky by the way. i suppose those of u who have known me long enough would have seen jacke's photos on friendster, hi5 or webshots. oh, n regarding the confusion topic, there's no confusion about the love i have for jacke. it's ABSOLUTE.. haha

confusion can be equalled to laziness, i think. coz the reason y i'm confused is becoz i'm not spending enough time to think and act about things i have in my pee brain mind. not hardworking enough to sort things out. confused as things are left around too long, dat all my muscles are experiencing the lag effect. but beware, as lagging ---> not studying ---> gettin bad grades ---> regretting ---> useless.. regretting is a totally useless thing to do, so even when i'm not gettin the grades i hoped for, i don't regret, i know it's my fault, yet i don't work at it. how stupid can that be? nothin can get more stupid than this, i tell u.. YET, i'm still here.. dedicating precious time to the blog, hoping my frenz would read them n know dat i have put in effort to let them know wat is happening in my life..

another thought: sex n the city..
in the last season, SJP or rather, Carrie Bradshaw is moving to paris with her russian lover. all for love, as he offers her life, even when her frenz do not support the idea, n personally i didn't like how he treated her. a little resemblence to my situation, not the 'frenz don't like him' part. jacke is singaporean, n i'm malaysian, he wants to stay in australia (initially) and won't stay in singapore. he wants to pursue a career in australia, n will be studyin here for another few more years. i'm finishin next yr n still deciding whether to go back to KL. recently, just a few days ago.. he told me he would live in malaysia, for my sake.. seriously, i was very touched. being the man chauvanist pig as he is (did i spell the word correctly, btw?), he had given a thought about stayin in malaysia for the long term, n decided it might be the best place to be after all. considering that he hates malays who are lazy n takes their status for granted (no offence to those who are hardworkin n all), and that he doesn't speak the malay language, he would stay with me in KL. we think it's a great place to start a family n raise children. will list the pros n cons we've thought about another time. i love him so much, n i'm really very touched about dat matter.

alright, i should leave now. thanx to everyone who has sent their regards n good lucks.. all the best to all of u too.. muakz muakz..