depressed n distressed

thanx lu, for the chat early mornin, losin both of our much needed beauty sleep, luv u lotz.

it's holiday season, yet i have a lot in my mind.. couldn't figure out what the best solution is. the 2 utmost important things on my mind are property renting and my pet dogs.

on property renting, a fren of mine has disappointed me, thoroughly..
u don't keep ur words, u never ask the right questions, u're not sensitive enough to understand our position n it's just so unfair to me, jacke n ronald. don't u remember y we really moved in here in the 1st place? we liked the place, u liked the place too. n then u gave us ur word, dat u were gonna take over ping's room after he leaves. y come n tell me now dat u're unsure about it? y bring so much trouble to us? y break a promise?
i've tried to come out with the proportion of rents in such a way dat would benefit u, while jacke n i pay a lil more, n yet u could still ask me to reduce ur rent by $10 a month. wat kind of reasoning is dat? we have so much better facilities here, much newer place with all the restaurants, public transport n utilities available. so much better than the place u're at now, yet u think payin a mere $20 extra a month is too much?
i thought u were my fren, someone i could trust. yet in this tight situation u betrayed my trust. there are a lot of things dat u needed to ask me but didn't, makin ur own decisions without consulting my permission. it's not right, u know. not right at all, u don't have dat power to make dat decision.
this is not a hotel where u can come in n out as u like, lease or not lease as u like. u have made me a promise, n i would have been very happy if u were to keep it. but now, the trust is gone, would i still be able to let u into my place? would i still be able to face u night n day? do u know how much sacrifice i had to make in order to make u comfortable? knowin u would be alone in melbourne for ur birthday, i extended my stay here to celebrate ur 22nd bday with u. i didn't want u to be alone, although i'm not even sure if u have made plans for dat day.. i just decided to stay a lil longer, so dat if there isn't anyone to celebrate ur bday with u, i would still be here. not lettin u feel abandoned n alone.
i am doin my part as a fren, r u? u disappoint me thoroughly, n i'm really really sad about it.. the look i saw on ur face outside chinabar was disturbing. u didn't even try to talk to me when we have so much things unsaid.. lookin as blur as u always do, i am 100% sure dat u're not mature enough to fully understand the situation. i am confident enough to say dat i have more responsibilities than u, n dat now i know how much more i know u thru this experience. if u still think dat i'm worth the trouble, please let me know.. plz make an effort to reconcile this broken trust.. for the wound left untouched would be harder to heal in future.

i would say, dear friends, please don't take me for granted. i do not like being pushed around, or being thought as a person who could be used to bring joy to oneself n detriment to myself. i will stand strong to my stance, n fight for my rights. do not take ur friendship with me lightly, becoz friendships are sacred to me, n not somethin i would compromise on. plz cherish watever we have together, n build our friendship stronger.. don't waste my time on insincere friendship, if u don't think u're worth it, don't bother..

now on to my dogs - sony n spencer.. Mq has decided not to want spencer as her companion anymore, leavin him with me at the moment as she's havin her exams. i'm hoping to keep sony, but i couldn't bear to see sony n spencer separated. it would be cruel to separate both of them, since they're blood brothers n each other's only dog fren. but i couldn't keep spencer, he makes too much noise. he whines too much.. putting them together is like hell let loose. they would wreck the whole place up, wrestling with each other for entertainment dat jacke nor i could stand. do u know how much knocking around they do all day? there's so lil peace n quiet in the room, i could only keep them in the toilet.
i know it may sound cruel, but dat's all i can do for now. still thinkin wat to do with spencer, although my decision to keep sony will ultimately depend on wat i think the best situation would be. i love sony too much, i've cried so much today becoz of the thought of givin him away. y would i name him sony in the 1st place? HE IS MY SON, dat's y.. i am a parent to sony, how can i give my son away? can u guyz understand my agony? the pain i'm sufferin now knowin dat i might give my son away.. it's like a death in the family. i will never ever see him again.. thinkin all these made me wanna keep him. but.. how about spencer? wat will happen to him? his fate awaits..
now everytime i see sony, when he comes to me for a hug, i know dat there is love.. he is longing for me to love him.. this is somethin i don't feel with spencer. maybe becoz he isn't mine.. he comes to me for attention. he wants to play.. but sony comes to me, to sit with me, to be with me. he enjoys my companionship. he wants my love.. how often do u feel dat in ur pet? how often does dat happen? i don't even feel it with my other dogs in kl, sabrina n sonji.. have i fallen too deep to get out? should i even get out? everytime i think of them, my heart sours.. badly.. help.....................

there were some things dat i was happy about today.. somethin to cheer me up upon..
jacke, ronald, Mq, Wz had dinner together at a singaporean bbq restaurant. i was happy dat i was able to contain my anger, my feelings n present a more calm side of myself towards my dinner mates. i was glad dat i was able to handle myself nicely n not cry or show my frustration. i had a good discussion with my sis n bro.. somethin which i've never really experienced before. all of us contributed towards the discussion, with Wz givin some good suggestions n Mq givin good feedback. it was uplifting.. it truly is.. even tho the topic of our discussion was on the dogs, it was happy for me.. at least for once the 3 of us were on the same level, thinkin as equals..

another happy moment for me was when jacke n i were in the car, drivin towards the petrol station, jacke told me dat no matter wat happens, he will always be there for me. in this very realistic world, only i am most trustworthy to him, n dat he will also be the most trustworthy to me. when the world falls, he will be there for me... how touching.. how so sweet of my darlin to say these things during such dark days. thankyou very much darlin, i will be ur rock always..

i will post up pictures of sony n spencer, hopefully soon.. plz be patient. oh, btw, just for the stats, sony weighs 4kg n spencer weighs 7kg now.. spencer eats everythin, most of the time sony only eats when u watch him eat. spencer will gladly finish up sony's food any time, so i have to always separate both of them away when spencer finishes his meal, but keepin spencer in sony's site. for if spencer starts whining, sony will not eat.. troublesome eh? bo pian, i do this everyday even during exam period...

Happy Belated 18th Birthday, Wei Zhi
i love u very much..
plz take good care of urself..